<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Never Get to Heaven on a Night Like This by irrationalgame</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512767">Never Get to Heaven on a Night Like This</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalgame/pseuds/irrationalgame'>irrationalgame</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Downton Abbey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rimming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:54:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalgame/pseuds/irrationalgame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy hasn’t been out of the closet for long and he’s definitely not looking for a relationship and all the emotions and baggage that come along with it. But then he literally bumps into one Thomas Barrow at a club and his life takes an unexpected turn...</p><p> </p><p>A modern AU</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thommybarrow/gifts">Thommybarrow</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warning for character death in later chapters (not Thomas or Jimmy)</p><p>Unbeta’d because that’s how I roll.</p><p><i>Those nights when your friends are gone,<br/>When you're holding on for someone to leave with.<br/>Those nights when you crave someone<br/>To be there at dawn, to wake with, 'cause aren't we all just<br/>Looking for a little bit of hope these days?<br/>Looking for somebody you can wake up with?<br/>Looking for a little bit of hope these days?<br/>We are, we are.</i><br/>- Those Nights, Bastille</p><p>Title also from Those Nights by Bastille</p><p>For Jamie because he wanted more Thommy. Thanks for motivating me to finish this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The gay bar had not been Jimmy’s idea. When Jimmy had, finally, come out of the closet, Ivy had gone from a besotted, flirty limpet to his wingman overnight, and immediately embarked on some kind of batshit-insane mission to find Jimmy a boyfriend.</p><p>Jimmy wasn’t sure he was ready for a boyfriend. He wasn’t sure he was ready for an <em>anything</em>, if he was honest, and his romantic encounters thus far added up to a handful of meaningless one-night-stands that had sent Jimmy awkwardly running for the hills the next morning, if not sooner.</p><p>The thought of a relationship complete with baggage and, worst of all, feelings, made him shiver with revulsion. The truth was Jimmy didn’t have the attention span or the inclination to be interested in anyone for more than five minutes.</p><p>And anyway, Ivy couldn’t even find herself a boyfriend who wasn’t a total prat, so he didn’t think she’d have much chance of finding him someone he actually liked. Alfred was unlikely to be of any help because he a) was a massive knob and b) spent all his time haplessly flirting with Ivy, who was either unaware of his advances or doing a very stalwart job of pretending as much. And of course, because their house-share needed to be full of tension and pining twenty-four hours a day, Daisy was besotted with Alfred. Jimmy had only come out in the end to extricate himself from the ridiculous love triangle once and for all.</p><p>Despite her promises Ivy had disappeared off to the dance floor shortly after they’d arrived at the bar, and hadn’t returned. So much for for finding Jimmy’s <em>soulmate</em> then. If such a thing existed for someone with a soul as empty and worthless as Jimmy’s.</p><p>“Blokes keep <em>lookin</em>’ at me,” Alfred said, a whole jug of something blue and very alcoholic in his hands. There was a curly straw and bloody paper umbrella in it.</p><p>“It’s a gay bar,” Daisy said, “there’s gay men here. What did ya expect?”</p><p>Alfred frowned and sipped his blue liquid through the curly straw. “I didn’t think ‘bout that.”</p><p>Jimmy pinched the bridge of his nose and drained his beer. He needed something way, way stronger if he was going to survive the night. Or if Alfred was going to survive it.</p><p>“I’m gettin’ shots,” Jimmy said, “Daisy, you want shots?”</p><p>Daisy was still nursing the same cocktail she’d had since they arrived. She shook her head; “Oh no, I couldn’t. I’d be plastered.”</p><p>“That’s sort of the idea?” Jimmy muttered. He headed over to the bar - it was fairly busy; not so much that he had to wait very long to be served, but long enough that three different men had time to try and chat him up. Jimmy politely and awkwardly turned them all down. He ordered a tray full of tequila slammers from a very flirty barman with a tongue stud, who winked at Jimmy as he served him.</p><p>Jimmy turned a fetching shade of crimson and escaped back to the safety of his table with the tequila. Ivy had returned from the dance floor and she’d brought some bloke with her - a very tall, tanned brunette with a the smile of a TV gameshow host. Exactly <em>her</em> type, but definitely not Jimmy’s.</p><p>“Jimmy!” Ivy squealed, “Jimmy this is Oliver. He’s an archeologist!”</p><p>Jimmy was surprised Ivy could even <em>say</em> archeologist.</p><p>“I’m a grad student actually,” Oliver said, his eyes flicking down Jimmy’s toned body, “so not really.” Jimmy felt his ears turn red at being so openly ogled.</p><p>“D’ya dig up dinosaurs an’ that?” Alfred asked.</p><p>“That’s a palaeontologist,” Jimmy said.</p><p>“What’s an archeologist then?” Alfred frowned, as gormless as ever.</p><p>Jimmy decided now was an appropriate time for a shot of tequila. Or three.</p><p>Oliver politely explained his job to Alfred and Daisy, his eyes roving over Jimmy the whole time, whilst Jimmy wished he were literally anywhere else in the world and knocked back two more shots.</p><p>“What do you think?” Ivy whispered.</p><p>“About what?” Jimmy frowned.</p><p>“Oliver!”</p><p>Jimmy pulled a face.</p><p>“He’s handsome and clever <em>and</em> he can dance - he’s like Indiana Jones!What’s wrong with him?” she folded her arms, ostensibly offended that Jimmy didn’t want to shack up with the first bloke she found on the street.</p><p>“You can’t just throw blokes at me and expect me to like ‘em,” Jimmy hissed, “I know you’re not picky, but I am.”</p><p>Ivy pulled a scandalised face as if is wasn’t true and she didn’t throw herself at any half-decent fella who looked her way. She grabbed Alfred’s hand and said; “Come on Alfred, we’re going dancing.” Alfred, not one to miss an opportunity to flirt uselessly with Ivy, shrugged and let himself be led to the dance floor. Daisy looked awkwardly between Jimmy and Oliver and decided she too would abandon Jimmy to his fate, and left.</p><p>So, it was <em>Jimmy contra mundi</em>, again. Brilliant.  </p><p>“So,” Oliver started, “I’m guessing this wasn’t your idea?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>He smiled, “And I take it your friends think they’re being helpful?”</p><p>Jimmy drank another shot. He was beginning to get close to drunk enough to be having this conversation. “Yeah. They’re on a bleedin’ mission to find me a boyfriend. I just - I’m not sure I want them to.”</p><p>Oliver nicked one of Jimmy’s tequila slammers and said; “Then don’t. Don’t let them pressure you into it. When the time is right - or the person is - it’ll happen.” He downed the shot, said; “Bye then Jimmy, have a nice evening,” and he left.</p><p>Jimmy sighed, relieved. Oliver was nice - too nice really - but not Jimmy’s type at all. But then Jimmy didn’t know what his type was - maybe it was one of things where he’d only know it when he saw it. He finished the rest of the tequila - now he was buzzed the place didn’t seem quite so intimidating, despite the leery looks he got whenever he ventured away from the table, so he went back to the bar and on a whim ordered a glass of the blue stuff Alfred had been drinking. He was just stepping away from the bar, looking down at the silly paper umbrella in his drink rather than where he was going, when he walked directly into someone’s broad chest.</p><p>“Oi,” he said, slopping half his drink down the front of the bloke’s white shirt, “watch it.”</p><p>“Watch it?” said an incredulous voice, “<em>You</em> walked into <em>me</em>.”</p><p>Irritated at losing half his drink and with a put-down already half out of his mouth, Jimmy looked up and was met with two of the most brilliant eyes he’d ever seen, with irises like the surface of a frozen lake, looking at him with open annoyance. He blinked several times and possibly gaped a little bit before he finally managed to say; “Uh, sorry about your shirt. It’s blue.”</p><p>“I can see that,” the man frowned, “thanks.”</p><p>Okay, Jimmy had been right. He did know his type now he’d seen the goddamn physical embodiment of it standing before him, all dark hair and cheekbones that could cut you and red lips twisted into a disapproving pout. In the low light of the club the man looked like he’d been painted in black and white, except for the dramatic splash of red at his lips; even his outfit was shades of monochrome.</p><p>Well, and blue, thanks to Jimmy’s clumsiness.</p><p>“Sorry?” Jimmy offered dumbly.</p><p>“You’ve said that.”</p><p>“Well, I’m very sorry.” He gave his best winning smile.</p><p>The other man smirked and Jimmy felt himself blush furiously - he had to stop himself from actually bleedin’ <em>swooning</em>.</p><p>“Are you always this eloquent?” he said, “Or are you just drunk?”</p><p>“Um?” Jimmy replied stupidly.</p><p>The man’s eyebrows shot up. “It’s a good job you look like <em>that</em> then, at least you’ve got something going for you.”</p><p>Jimmy scowled; “It were an accident. Sorry.”</p><p>“Pitiful apology not accepted - my shirt is still ruined.”</p><p>Jimmy narrowed his eyes; “Listen here you, you rude man, it’s, it’s...<em>rude</em> not to accept someone’s apology when they’re trying to, erm, apologise. Alright?” He was, perhaps, more drunk than he’d realised.</p><p>The man smirked. “That’s told me then.” He paused then added; “Buy me a drink and we’ll call it even.”</p><p>Jimmy blinked, surprised. “Ah, ok, sure.”</p><p>“Ill have a whiskey - I better carry it though, you don’t seem to have mastered that skill yet.”</p><p>Jimmy ordered himself another blue thing and a whisky for Mr Ruined-Shirt, who carried both their drinks over to a vacant table.</p><p>“The trick is to look where you’re going,” the man said, his words dripping with sarcasm, “with your eyes.” He handed Jimmy his drink. “Is that actually alcoholic? It looks like a little girl’s bubble bath.”</p><p>“It’s bubblegum flavour,” Jimmy defended.</p><p>The man laughed, his eyes crinkling with mirth - the sound did something funny to Jimmy’s insides. “That’s not helping your case.” He held out his hand for Jimmy to shake; “I’m Thomas.”</p><p>“Jimmy,” he replied and shook his hand for longer than was probably normal.</p><p>“You here alone?” Thomas asked, siping his whiskey, those astute slate-blue eyes assessing him. Jimmy felt a blush crawl up his neck, as if Thomas’s gaze was burning his skin.</p><p>“No - my friends are dancing,” he glanced at the dance floor where Alfred was wobbling around like a mayfly caught in an updraft, “if you can call <em>that</em> dancing.”</p><p>“He looks like he’s having a seizure,” Thomas noted and Jimmy laughed, nearly choking on his drink. “Is he your boyfriend?”</p><p>Jimmy coughed, mortified; “Is it likely? No he bloody ain’t - firstly he’s straight and secondly I do have some standards, thanks. I wouldn’t be seen dead with that irritating clot. We share a house with the girls,” he pointed to where Ivy and Daisy were bopping around on the dance floor, “Ivy and Daisy.” Jimmy regained enough composure to ask; “Are you here with anyone?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t be sitting here with you if I was,” Thomas replied, but there was something off about the way he said it, the swagger all but gone.</p><p>“Oh thanks, nice to know my company is so appealing,” Jimmy grimaced.</p><p>Thomas looked contrite; “I didn’t mean that I don’t want to be sitting here, it’s just - well, I was supposed to be coming here with my boyfriend to celebrate my birthday but we imploded spectacularly instead so,” he shrugged, “here I am, covered in blue, talking to you.”</p><p>“He dumped you?”</p><p>Thomas nodded sadly.</p><p>“On your birthday?”</p><p>He nodded again.</p><p>“What a complete tosser!” Jimmy exclaimed.</p><p>“He is rather, yes.” Thomas tipped his head back and swallowed the last of his whiskey - Jimmy stared at his lightly stubbled throat and imagined how it would feel against his lips, and blushed as he felt the pull of desire low in his stomach.</p><p>He needed more alcohol.</p><p>“Well that’s a really, really shite thing to happen. You know what I do at times like this? Get absolutely <em>hammered</em>,” Jimmy said, “let’s get another round in.”</p><p>“The deal was one drink and you’d be forgiven,” Thomas said, making to leave, “you’ve paid your debt. You are released.”</p><p>Jimmy picked up his half-full glass of blue stuff and chucked it down the front of Thomas’s shirt.</p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Thomas glared. “That one got my jeans too.”</p><p>“Really?” Jimmy grinned. “Then I suppose I owe you two more drinks, don’t I?”</p><p>Thomas paused, catching on, and smirked. “Well, I suppose you do.”</p><p>Jimmy fetched two pitchers of the blue stuff, complete with little umbrellas and curly straws.</p><p>Thomas raised an eyebrow; “I am not drinking that.”</p><p>“It’s surprisingly nice.”</p><p>“It’s <em>blue</em>.”</p><p>“Try it.”</p><p>“It smells like bubblegum.”</p><p>“Oh don’t be grumpy, it’s your birthday.”</p><p>Thomas frowned and said; “Oh fine, if it’ll make you happy.” He took a tentative sip of the blue liquid and looked pleasantly surprised. “It’s like drinking a sweet shop.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Jimmy said, “its dangerous because it don’t even taste like booze.”</p><p>They both nursed their jugs of blue in silence for a few minutes, watching the throngs of people dancing, drinking and kissing.</p><p>“So that wanker what threw you over, he got a name?” Jimmy said eventually.</p><p>“Philip,” Thomas replied.</p><p>“Sounds like a right posh tosser.”</p><p>Thomas huffed out a laugh. “You can tell that from his name, can you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jimmy nodded, “an’ the fact he dumped you. On your birthday.”</p><p>“He is a posh tosser,” Thomas conceded, “I just...I don’t know. I’m not very good at the dating thing. It was easier to stay together even if I knew we weren’t right for each other.” He drained the last of his drink, his cheekbones now painted pretty with a blush. Jimmy had to make a concerted effort not to stare.</p><p>“I’ve never actually had a proper relationship,” Jimmy admitted, his lips loosened by alcohol.</p><p>Thomas’s eyebrows shot up. “I’d have thought blokes would be falling over themselves to date you.”</p><p>“Well,” Jimmy blushed, “I’m not very good at, y’know, <em>people</em>. Most of ‘em don’t even like me.” He grimaced at how pathetic it sounded.</p><p>Thomas gave him a soft smile. “Well I <em>love</em> you.”</p><p>Jimmy snorted a laugh; “If you do you’re on your own.” He slurped the last of his drink just as a new song started pulsating through the club - it had a good beat and he could feel his foot tapping involuntarily to the rhythm.</p><p>“D’ya wanna dance?” He said, emboldened by the sheer amount of tequila and blue alcohol in his system.</p><p>“I don’t really do this sort of dancing,” Thomas frowned.</p><p>“It’s your birthday though.”</p><p>“So I get to make a tit of myself just because it’s my birthday,” he snorted, “don’t think so.”</p><p>Jimmy leaned over, curled a hand around Thomas’s bicep and deliberately held his gaze. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”</p><p>Thomas fought a short-lived battle with himself then sighed and said; “Alright,” and let Jimmy pull him over to the dance floor.</p><p>Despite his protestations Thomas was a very good dancer and Jimmy found himself almost hypnotically drawn closer and closer to him until they were almost grinding up against each other. Thomas stepped into Jimmy’s space and draped an arm over his shoulder - his touch sent a shiver all the way down his spine and straight to his cock. Jimmy put both hands on Thomas’s hips and guided their bodies together, suddenly desperate to feel Thomas against him. Thomas’s lips parted slightly and his pink tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip.</p><p>That was all the invitation Jimmy needed to press his mouth against Thomas’s. Thomas immediately reciprocated, that quick tongue slipping into Jimmy’s mouth. The brush of Thomas’s stubble against Jimmy’s chin was like fire, igniting his skin into tingling goosebumps, and he longed to feel it on his neck, stomach and inner thigh.</p><p>They’d stopped moving and were effectively just making out in the middle of the dance floor as people bounced and gyrated all around them. Jimmy wouldn’t have noticed if the room had exploded, lost as he was in Thomas’s touch.</p><p>Jimmy was slowly drawn back to reality by someone tapping incessantly on his shoulder. He tried to ignore it, his tongue still lodged somewhere down Thomas’s throat, but it was becoming increasingly insistent and slightly painful, so he was forced to pull away to find out what the tapper wanted.</p><p>He turned to find a bemused looking Daisy gawping at him.</p><p>“Sorry to, er, <em>interrupt</em> you Jimmy,” Daisy said, “but Alfred keeps vomiting blue, so we’re gonna have to take him home.” Her eyes flicked to Thomas’s swollen lips and Jimmy’s mussed hair and she gave him an excited little smile. “Are you coming or...?”</p><p>“I’m good,” Jimmy said, already craving the feeling of Thomas’s lips against his, “I’ll see you later.”</p><p>Daisy gave them both a nod and scurried off into the crowd. Thomas and Jimmy regarded each other for a moment before Thomas said; “I need a smoke, do you want to...?” He gestured to the back door which led to the standard bus-shelter-in-an-alley smoker’s corner.</p><p>Jimmy nodded. He’d been trying to quit, but if ever he was in need of a cigarette, it was now, when every nerve seemed lit to hypersensitivity and his stomach was like a roiling pot of tension.</p><p>They made their way outside - it was cold and deserted under the smoker’s shelter, the music from the club muffled to a low thrum in the background. Thomas leaned against the wall and lit two cigarettes before handing one off to Jimmy. Jimmy crowded in next to him and gladly accepted with slightly trembling fingers. He was drunk and aroused, but the night air was like a sobering slap to his hot cheeks.</p><p>“Jimmy what?” Thomas asked, apropos of nothing.</p><p>“Kent - Jimmy Kent, at your service. Well, it’s James Kent actually, but I hate James. I’ve always been a Jimmy - the only person who ever called me James was me mum, before she, um, died,” Jimmy replied, a combination of nerves and alcohol making him say far more than he’d meant to.</p><p>“Sorry to hear that,” Thomas said, his breath a plume of smoke, “‘bout your mum.”</p><p>“Lost me dad not long before that an’ all,” he took a long drag on the cig, making the end flare orange in the dim alleyway, “were a bit shit that.”</p><p>“Understatement,” Thomas nodded. “How long ago?”</p><p>“Years now. I were still a teenager, barely. Ever since it’s been Jimmy contra mundi.”</p><p>Thomas gave him a soft look. “Doesn’t that get lonely?”</p><p>“I’m used to being lonely I s’pose.”</p><p>Thomas cast his cig off into the night and turned, pushing Jimmy back against the wall, and kissed him soundly. “I know what that’s like,” he said against Jimmy’s lips, “I think we’re quite a pair.”</p><p>Jimmy dropped his cig into the puddle near his feet and grabbed at the front of Thomas’s shirt like a man drowning. He sucked Thomas’s bottom lip between his, which dragged a moan out of Thomas. Heat pooled in Jimmy’s groin - if they didn’t stop soon he’d end up embarrassing himself here in the dingy alleyway.</p><p>“Do you want to get out of here?” Thomas said between kisses. “My place isn’t that far.”</p><p>Jimmy nodded and gasped as Thomas kissed down his neck.</p><p> </p><p>They caught a cab and made out in the back for the entire journey to Thomas’s, to the extent that the taxi driver tutted and shook his head disapprovingly at their lewd behaviour. Thomas mollified him with a generous tip and they tumbled out into the night, laughing, then went through a little wrought-iron gate and up two steps into a pretty-fronted Victorian terrace with a bay window and a smart black front door with a brass knocker.</p><p>“It’s still a work in progress,” Thomas said, pointing to a half-painted wall in the hallway, “but it’s getting there.”</p><p>“S’nice,” Jimmy grinned. They looked at each other for a long moment and then their arms were around each other again, and they were kissing desperately, Thomas walking backwards up the stairs and pulling Jimmy up with him. Jimmy was divided between pressing his lips against Thomas’s and popping open the buttons on his blue-stained and undoubtedly ruined shirt.</p><p>They stopped halfway up for Jimmy to slip the shirt off Thomas’s arms, revealing a broad chest dusted in dark hair and two pink nipples. Jimmy immediately mouthed one, his fingers scratching through the coarse hair, his own cock so hard it was pressing painfully against the fly of his jeans.</p><p>Thomas moaned; “Bedroom, now,” so they parted long enough to stumble into Thomas’s room and onto his big four-poster bed. Jimmy climbed on Thomas’s lap and groaned when he felt the other man’s erection pressing against his arse. Thomas pulled at Jimmy’s T-shirt and lifted it over his head, then opened his button and fly with impressive speed for a drunk man.</p><p>“Take these off,” Thomas commanded, tugging at Jimmy’s jeans and Jimmy’s breath hitched in his chest at his assertive tone. He nodded and obeyed, then stood naked in the moonlit room so Thomas could get a good look at him. Thomas eyed Jimmy’s body with desire-blown pupils and quickly removed his remaining clothes, throwing them over the side of the bed. “Come here,” he said and Jimmy was powerless to resist - he stood between Thomas’s knees and they kissed, his arms draped over Thomas’s shoulders.</p><p>Suddenly Thomas took hold of Jimmy’s arse and lifted him onto his lap - Jimmy straddled Thomas’s thick thighs and gasped when their cocks brushed against each other. “Want you,” Jimmy mumbled against his mouth, “inside me.”</p><p>Thomas gave a heady moan of desire and deposited Jimmy on his back amongst the plush pillows of the bed. He opened his nightstand and pulled out a handful of condoms and a bottle of lube.</p><p>“It’s not rebound sex,” Thomas said suddenly, “I just want you to know that. I want you because I want you, not because of Philip.”</p><p>“I’d still be ‘ere if it were though,” Jimmy grinned, “but perhaps don’t talk ‘bout bloody <em>Philip</em> now.”</p><p>Thomas nodded and kissed Jimmy’s jaw, throat and collarbone. He became preoccupied with a nipple, rolling it between his teeth until Jimmy was squirming, his cock leaking and leaving a wet stripe on his own stomach. Jimmy was about to tell him he had to do something else, now, before he went insane, when Thomas took Jimmy’s cock in hand and started stroking it with an almost torturously slow rhythm.</p><p>“Oh god, yeah, touch me, <em>please</em>,” Jimmy rambled, the heat of Thomas’s hand around his cock both too much and not enough all at once.</p><p>Thomas gave him a wicked grin. “Now now, there’s no need to rush these things.”</p><p>“There bloody is, I’m desperate for you,” Jimmy panted.</p><p>Thomas gave a low groan of desire - he reached for the lube and slicked three fingers. “How careful do I need to be?”</p><p>“It’s been a while,” Jimmy admitted, “but not too careful. I don’t mind it a bit rough.”</p><p>Thomas swallowed hard, his hair a smudge of black against his brow in the dark room. “You’re going to be the end of me, looking like that and saying those things. I won’t last five minutes at this rate.”</p><p>Jimmy grinned, pleased he was making Thomas feel as undone as he did.</p><p>Thomas bent his head and kissed up the inside of Jimmy’s thigh, the scratch of his stubble sending Jimmy nearly delirious. He achingly slowly slipped one finger inside Jimmy, all the while keeping up the rhythm of his hand on Jimmy’s prick. After a few moments of Jimmy squirming against his hand he added a second, and then a third finger.</p><p>“Oh Thomas, <em>please</em>, I want you, <em>now</em>, please,” Jimmy begged unabashedly, lost completely to the throes of desire.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah, now.”</p><p>Then awful emptiness as Thomas removed his fingers and took far too long trying to open on a condom with his slippery hands.</p><p>“Here, gimme,” Jimmy said, ripping the wrapper off and unrolling it onto Thomas’s thick, straining cock. Thomas closed his eyes and gave a low groan, his hips jerking forwards into Jimmy’s hand. Jimmy lay back and opened his legs, hooking one foot over Thomas’s shoulder.</p><p>Thomas took a steadying breath then slowly pushed into Jimmy, his hands holding Jimmy’s hips still.</p><p>“Oh bloody <em>hell</em>, yeah, like <em>that</em>, yeah, that’s it, uh <em>Thomas</em>—” Jimmy mumbled a litany of nonsense as he was overwhelmed with the feeling of Thomas’s length filling him.</p><p>They were still for a moment, Thomas’s chest heaving as he leaned down and kissed Jimmy tenderly. Jimmy willed himself to relax, to calm down a little, otherwise this would be over before it had even begun.</p><p>“You’re bloody lovely you are,” Thomas said, looking almost undone already, “absolutely bloody beautiful.” He gave a tiny experimental thrust of his hips and Jimmy was rendered completely stupid; it was as if the whole world had vanished into the void and all that existed was the bed at his back and Thomas above him, his eyes outshining the moon and every star in heaven, the movement of his cock making and unmaking Jimmy’s entire being with each thrust.</p><p>Jimmy reached up and brushed Thomas’s hair from his brow and then pulled him down for a kiss. Thomas wound their fingers together, pushing Jimmy’s hands over his head and pinning them to the bed. He let his forehead rest against Jimmy’s and started rocking his hips in a gently increasing tempo. He released Jimmy’s hands so he could steady himself with one and take Jimmy’s aching cock in the other. Jimmy felt winded - the pleasure of Thomas filling him and stroking his length in unison was almost more than he could bear and he had to wrap both arms around Thomas and bury his face in the other man’s neck, moaning.</p><p>“Jimmy, Jimmy, <em>Jimmy</em>,” Thomas said, his name spilling out like a prayer, “god, I won’t, I <em>can’t</em>.”</p><p>“S’alright,” Jimmy managed to say against Thomas’s neck, “do it. Come for me.”</p><p>Thomas grunted, his rhythm stuttering as he started to lose control. He took hold of Jimmy’s hips and gave three more thrusts then threw back his head and came, his whole body pulled taut for a moment until he collapsed forwards, panting.</p><p>Jimmy kissed Thomas’s hair, the shell of his ear, his cheek - anywhere he could reach, as Thomas tried to slow his breathing and regain his composure.</p><p>“Alright, yeah?” Jimmy whispered.</p><p>“More than alright,” Thomas nodded, a stupefied smile on his bee-stung lips. “Now you, babe.” He withdrew, rummaged for another condom and slipped it onto Jimmy’s over-sensitive member, then sank down and stretched those sinful lips over the head of Jimmy’s cock, holding his gaze the whole time.</p><p>“Oh bloody hell,” Jimmy groaned, his hips coming off up the bed. He tugged at Thomas’s hair, writhing, as Thomas slid his lips down to the base, taking Jimmy right to the back of his throat. It only took a minute or two of Thomas sucking him enthusiastically whilst looking up at him through his lashes before Jimmy came so powerfully he thought he was going to black out.</p><p>They lay together for a few minutes with Thomas’s head on Jimmy‘s chest, both boneless and spent, until the need to clean up pressed in on both of them. Thomas heaved himself up and went through a door Jimmy had assumed was a closet and into a little en suite, flicking on a dim lamp as he went.</p><p>“I’m going to shower,” Thomas said, “you coming?”</p><p>Jimmy didn’t need asking twice - the thought of Thomas wet and soapy in his arms made his cock twitch again in interest. The en suite was small but nice, with a luxurious shower in a glass cubicle taking up most of the space. Thomas had already ventured under the steaming water and was letting it cascade over his face, so Jimmy joined him and pressed himself up against the sublime curve of Thomas’s arse, and kissed down his neck and along his shoulder.</p><p>“Mmmm,” Thomas moaned and turned to capture Jimmy’s lips in a kiss. “Best night I’ve had in a long time.”</p><p>“I’m very glad I spilled blue all over you,” Jimmy smiled, “very glad indeed.”</p><p>They lingered in the shower, kissing, until the pull of sleep became too great to resist.</p><p>“I should go, I guess?” Jimmy said as he towelled off, not quite as a question, but hesitantly enough that it was obvious he didn’t want to.</p><p>“Stay,” Thomas said simply - so Jimmy did.</p><p>Thomas lent Jimmy pyjamas which were a mile too long and kept slipping off his hipbones, and they both fell into bed facing each other, their noses touching.</p><p>“Thomas what?” Jimmy said, realising he’d never asked.</p><p>“Barrow,” Thomas answered, “Thomas Barrow.”</p><p>“Night, Thomas Barrow.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Jimmy Kent.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jimmy woke up in a bed that wasn’t his own with a mouth that tasted like he’d been chewing two week old bubblegum that he’d peeled off an old carpet, and a freight train pounding through his head.</p><p>“Ughhh,” he said eloquently, rolling over to stare at an antique ceiling rose on a roof he didn’t recognise. The bed next to him was slept-in but empty and it took a moment before the memory of the previous night crashed into his brain at terminal velocity.</p><p>It had been, well, Jimmy didn’t have an adjective with enough hyperbole to describe it.</p><p><em>The best night of his life</em> seemed a bit over the top so he settled for <em>the best sex he’d ever had</em>.</p><p>Now came the awkward part where he found out they didn’t actually have anything in common and he made a sharp exit.</p><p>Usually.</p><p>Except this time he really didn’t want it to go that way. There was something about the sarcastic, beautiful Thomas - a sort of connection between them that he hadn’t felt before - and he wanted, well, <em>more</em>. Whatever that meant.</p><p>Which was a scary thought. Jimmy had never wanted more of anyone before.</p><p>He heaved himself out of bed, eyes blurry, ears ringing with tinnitus from the volume of the music at the club, throat sore from smoking, and emptied his bursting bladder in the en suite before heading downstairs, past the half-painted wall and into unknown territory.</p><p>There was a cosy lounge on the front of the house, the sash windows of the bay filling the room with a mid-morning glow and casting rays of light across the waxed floorboards. The room was comfortingly warm in comparison to the sharp chill of the hallway - the fireplace was lit but had been left to die to embers, and the whole scene was watched over by an idly ticking antique mantle clock. The black-gloss front door was at one end of the hall, tempting Jimmy with escape. In the other direction lay a long-case clock in a cubby under the stairs and, further still, the promise of a kitchen - Jimmy could see a faux-vintage fridge through the open door. He looked back at the front door and chewed his bottom lip.</p><p>No, he wasn’t going to run this time, if only because he was still wearing Thomas’s too-big pyjamas, which he didn’t much fancy walking home in. He tiptoed into the kitchen - Thomas was sitting at the counter in a dressing gown, a cup of coffee in one hand and a cig in the other, staring blearily at a muted tv on the wall.</p><p>Even hungover he was just as ridiculously, outrageously handsome as Jimmy remembered - more so in fact, with the morning light illuminating his chiselled features and his hair soft from sleep.</p><p>“Mornin’,” Jimmy said and Thomas started, almost spilling his coffee and burning himself with his cig as he tried to catch the cup.</p><p>“Shite, bugger,” Thomas winced, then looked up at Jimmy and gave him a small smile. “You look like I feel.”</p><p>“Like shit? Yeah,” Jimmy said, then; “Is that coffee?”</p><p>Thomas pointed to a fancy looking chrome abomination that had more buttons and fixtures on it than Jimmy’s entire kitchen. “It’s bean to cup, just press the obvious glowing button.”</p><p>Jimmy did and was instantly rewarded with a steaming cup of aromatic coffee. He helped himself to a cig from Thomas’s pack and pulled himself up onto the counter, as close to Thomas as he dared.</p><p>“I have chairs,” Thomas frowned.</p><p>“I know,” Jimmy said, “view’s better up here.”</p><p>“View? There’s nothing to see but...” he trailed off, catching on to Jimmy’s meaning, and blushed, “oh.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jimmy smirked and took a long drag on his cig. In the light of the kitchen Jimmy could see things he hadn’t noticed last night; the spattering of grey at Thomas’s temples, the dusting of soft beige freckles that ran over his aquiline nose and cheekbones, the plushness of his lips.</p><p>“Last night was,” Thomas paused and sipped his coffee, “well, it <em>was</em>,” he raised his eyebrows and a grin split his face. Jimmy had to hide a gasp behind a drag on his cig.</p><p>“Bloody was,” Jimmy nodded. “I hope I made your birthday memorable.”</p><p>Thomas looked contrite. “Yeah, about that. My birthday was six weeks ago.”</p><p>“What?!” Jimmy said, incredulous. “You lied to me? To get me into bed?!”</p><p>“No no,” Thomas held a hand up, “just to - to get another drink out of you. To have an excuse to stay and - look, I had no idea we’d end up doing <em>that</em>. I didn’t think it was - I didn’t think you’d actually be interested in me.”</p><p>Jimmy huffed. “And I s’pose Philip’s made up an’ all?”</p><p>Thomas shook his head and then gulped down his coffee. “No, unfortunately he’s real - and he did dump me, on my birthday, when we were supposed to be going out to that club to celebrate. But, on my actual birthday, I stayed at home, watched <em>Bridget Jones’s Diary</em> and ate a pint of Ben and Jerry’s instead. I have to say, I had much more fun on my fake birthday with you.” He looked embarrassed, as if he hadn’t meant to reveal so much, and stubbed his cig out. “Last night was the first time I’d been out since Philip and I happened to bump into you. Or rather, you bumped into me. Couldn’t believe my luck there.”</p><p>Jimmy found he wasn’t actually cross, but pouted dramatically all the same. God knew Jimmy and the truth had a tenuous relationship at the best of times and he wasn’t above lying to get his own way.</p><p>“You’re not...leaving?” Thomas asked.</p><p>Jimmy took a theatrical drag on his cig and shook his head. “Nah.”</p><p>Thomas smiled and said; “I won’t lie to you again. I mean, if I see you again.”</p><p>“You’ll see me again.”</p><p>They were interrupted by the ding-dong of an old-fashioned doorbell and Thomas got up with a groan to answer it. Jimmy finished his smoke and helped himself to another cup of the delicious coffee - distracted only when he heard Thomas’s voice hiss an angry “No, now isn’t a good bloody time,” and footsteps on the hallway tiles. A frankly stupidly handsome man strolled nonchalantly into the kitchen, his soft brown eyes everywhere, his plush lips pulled into a self-satisfied smirk.</p><p>“Well well,” he said in a cut-glass accent, “didn’t take you long, did it?”</p><p>Thomas pushed past him with a glare and stood between Jimmy and the interloper, seemingly at a loss as for what to do next.</p><p>“I knew you were hiding something - now I see it’s a toy-boy,” the man sneered.</p><p>“Oi,” Jimmy said, “I’m not a bleedin’ toy-boy.”</p><p>Thomas scrubbed a hand over his face and said; “Jimmy this is Philip, Philip - Jimmy.”</p><p>Philip. Of course. He should’ve guessed.</p><p>Jimmy scowled and said; “What do <em>you</em> want?” with as much venom as he could muster.</p><p>Philip gave a look of mock hurt, his hand over his heart as if he’d been wounded. “Ah, I see Thomas has talked of me. It must be serious.”</p><p>“It’s - it’s a new thing actually,” Thomas said noncommittally.</p><p>Jimmy felt an immediate revulsion towards this twat who’d ostensibly broken Thomas’s heart. He stepped into Thomas’s space and draped an arm around his waist, which only raised a smug smirk from Philip, but won him an appreciative sidewards glance from Thomas.</p><p>“Ah, so you haven’t had chance to ruin it yet with your perfect storm of personality disorders and ridiculous sentimentality,” Philip said snidely.</p><p>“Shut up,” Jimmy hissed, “you don’t get to talk to him like that.” He had to fight the urge to knock Philip’s smarmy teeth down his smug bastard throat.</p><p>Philip actually laughed and Thomas said; “Why are you here Philip, is there a reason other than to ruin my day?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Philip was looking at Jimmy as if he was something he’d scraped off his shoe. Or paid someone else to scrape off - he didn’t look like the sort who cleaned his own footwear. “Oh I left a couple of work things here I think, a file or two and a flash drive. I came to pick them up.”</p><p>Thomas pulled away from Jimmy with a concerned look and said; “They’re upstairs in my office. If I go get them can I trust you two won’t kill each other?”</p><p>“Me?” Philip said, pretending to be affronted, “Oh I wouldn’t hurt him, it’d be a shame to ruin that face.”</p><p>Jimmy just glared and Thomas hesitated for a moment before dashing upstairs. Philip wheeled on Jimmy the moment he was out of earshot and said; “Well, this is unexpected. He normally mopes about for a lot longer when we split up. This is...well, irritating but I suppose it’ll make getting him back a bit of a challenge this time. He normally comes crawling into my bed in no time, miserable loser that he is.”</p><p>The urge to throttle Philip with his own scarf was overwhelming. “That won’t be happening this time,” Jimmy said through gritted teeth, “because he’s mine now.” And he found he wanted it to be true. He wanted Thomas to be his...his something. Maybe just <em>his</em> was the best way of describing it for now. They’d only known each other a few hours, it probably wasn’t a good idea to start worrying about semantics.</p><p>“We’ll see about that,” Philip smirked.</p><p>Thomas reappeared with a shoebox which he thrust into Philip’s hands. “There. Goodbye.”</p><p>“Well, I best be off,” Philip said cheerfully, as if Thomas hadn’t just told him to leave, “but I’ll be seeing you, Thomas.”</p><p>Thomas frowned and ushered Philip towards the front door.</p><p>“Goodbye Jimmy,” Philip called.</p><p>“Good riddance,” Jimmy replied.</p><p>“I was right, he is a posh tosser,” Jimmy said once Thomas returned to the kitchen, mercifully sans Philip.</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Thomas shook his head. “It’s - we have a complicated history.”</p><p>“Complicated like you break up because he’s twat, then go back to him when you get lonely even though you know it’s stupid?”</p><p>Thomas did a double take and said, begrudgingly; “Well, yes. I suppose that sums it up.”</p><p>“Philip might’ve mentioned it.”</p><p>Thomas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s used to getting his own way and doesn’t take no for an answer. Thank you though, for standing up for me. You really didn’t have to - I mean we barely know each other, you don’t owe me anything.” He looked away, suddenly sad. “Wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave.”</p><p>“Stop that,” Jimmy said - he pulled Thomas into his arms and kissed him tenderly. Thomas melted against him, one hand tangling into Jimmy’s hair. “I like you, alright? So stop bein’ so dramatic.”</p><p>“I’m not dramatic,” Thomas pulled a face, “but yeah, I like you too.”</p><p>Jimmy blushed - then the moment was ruined by his stomach rumbling noisily. “I’m a bit hungry,” he said, “and hungover.”</p><p>“Let me get dressed and how about I buy you lunch? We can get to know each other a bit.”</p><p>Jimmy nodded his agreement and they grinned at each other for a moment before both going upstairs to see to their morning ablutions. Thomas showed Jimmy to the second bathroom and he tried to make himself as presentable as he could in clothes that smelled like stale beer and cigarettes. He found his phone shoved in the pocket of his jeans - he had about twenty messages from Ivy and Daisy asking where he was and one from Alfred that simply said <em>‘Not dead are ya?’</em> which Jimmy didn’t dignify with a response.</p><p>When they’d started house-sharing Ivy had forced them all to join a text group chat, which Jimmy had promptly silenced and never checked again apart from to send the odd thumbs up emoji to keep Ivy happy. But the battery on his phone was flashing red and it was quicker to send one to the group than each of them individually, so he fired off a quick message:</p><p>
  <em>- I’m fine. Going for lunch. Back later. Jimmy.</em>
</p><p>Ivy instantly replied with:</p><p>
  <em>- You pulled then? ;)</em>
</p><p>Which Jimmy ignored - the app alerted him that <em>several people are typing</em> so he shut off his phone.</p><p>When he finally made his way back downstairs Thomas was waiting in the lounge, reading a book and looking far too good in a plaid flannel shirt and white T-shirt than should be humanly possible. He looked up at Jimmy with those pale eyes and the world tilted on its axis. Jimmy’s breath caught in his chest - he was, well, <em>smitten</em> was the word that sprang to mind.he blushed furiously at the thought.</p><p>Jimmy leaned on the doorframe, hands slung in his pockets, and tried not to look as if he was having a religious experience from just looking at Thomas, and said; “So, where we goin’?”</p><p>Thomas loaned Jimmy a hoodie than smelled so much like him it made Jimmy a bit aroused just wearing it, and they walked a few streets over to a nice little coffee shop called <em>‘The Dower House’ </em>with a window full of heartily stuffed bagels and other baked goods. The redhead behind the counter - Gwen, according to her name badge - nodded at Thomas like she recognised him and they found a table in the window.</p><p>“Those bagels look amazin’,” Jimmy said, by now absolutely starving.</p><p>“I’d recommend them,” Thomas nodded, “but my waistline wouldn’t.”</p><p>Gwen came and took their orders - everything bagels and lots of coffee - then they made small talk. Except it didn’t feel <em>small</em> - it felt deeply important for Jimmy to know how Thomas liked his coffee (<em>strong, black</em>) and where he was from (<em>Salford</em>) and what he did for a living. It turned out he was an area manager for the upmarket department store chain <em>Grantham’s</em>, which was the Yorkshire equivalent of London’s <em>Harrod’s</em>.</p><p>“It’s not what I’d envisioned for myself, but it keeps the lights on,” Thomas said, coffee in hand. “What about you?”</p><p>Jimmy was embarrassed to admit he’d never climbed very high up the career ladder so said; “Me parents dying when they did sort of scuppered any plans I’d had and I ended up working whatever job I could get so as to keep a roof over me head.”</p><p>“That’s understandable,” Thomas nodded sympathetically.</p><p>“I’m a waiter,” Jimmy confessed, “at <em>Downton</em>, if you know it?”</p><p>Thomas raised an eyebrow; “I’ve been once with Philip, otherwise it’s a bit expensive for my tastes.”</p><p>“Don’t make the pay any better,” Jimmy griped. “It’s how I met Alfred, Daisy and Ivy and ended up sharing a house with them.”</p><p>“What would you do then, if you could choose any job in the world?” Thomas asked. They both paused as two enormous bagels and a big bowl of those fancy hand cooked crisps were delivered to their table.</p><p>Jimmy thought for a moment - the truth was he’d never been particularly ambitious about work. He usually made up some rubbish about travelling the world or whatever when he was asked what he wanted from life, but he decided to plump for honestly with Thomas. “The only thing I’ve ever loved is playin’ piano, but it’s not somethin’ that’s easy to make a career of. And I don’t even own a piano now, I had to sell my parents old baby-grand so I didn’t, y’know, <em>starve</em>.”</p><p>Thomas stared at him, a pensive look on his face. “You’re young enough that you don’t have to be a waiter forever if you don’t want to.”</p><p>Jimmy snorted and said; “You say that as if you’re too old to change careers. You’re not that much older than me.”</p><p>“How old do you think I am?”</p><p>“I am not fallin’ for that again, Ivy didn’t speak to me for two weeks last time.”</p><p>Thomas smirked; “Bet you told her that her bum looked big too.”</p><p>“What’s the point in lyin’?”</p><p>“You’re avoiding my question.”</p><p>“I’m refusing to answer it actually. I’m twenty-five, by the way.”</p><p>Thomas blinked. “You <em>are</em> a toy-boy.”</p><p>“Less of that, you make it sound like I’m only after you for your money when it’s actually your cock I want,” Jimmy said, just as Gwen passed by their table with a tray, which she nearly dropped.</p><p>Thomas choked on his bagel. “Bloody hell, you’ll be the death of me.</p><p>“As long as it’s <em>la petite mort,</em>” he winked. “What about you though? What’s your passion then?”</p><p>“Clocks,” Thomas said, and, mishearing him, Jimmy snorted a laugh.</p><p>“I said <em>clocks</em>,” Thomas grinned, “you dirty-minded sod. Clocks and antique watches. It’s more of a hobby really but I love restoring them, bringing them back to life.”</p><p>“You talk about them like they’re living things.”</p><p>“They are, in a way,” he gave a self-deprecating laugh and said; “that makes me sound like the most boring man alive.”</p><p>“Hardly,” Jimmy reached across the table and took Thomas’s hand, “I have to listen to my housemates talk about herbs and spices and pastry and different sorts of meringue every bleedin’ day - nothing can beat that for boringness. Did you know there are like three different types? “</p><p>Thomas shook his head.</p><p>“Yeah, an’ I wish I didn’t know it neither. An’ anyway, I’m interested in just about anything you’ve got to say.”</p><p>Thomas ducked his head and blushed. It was adorable, which was an adjective Jimmy normally associated with, like, kittens and babies, not thirty-something hirsute blokes who’d spent the previous evening topping him.</p><p>The door of the coffee shop burst open dramatically and a pretty, heavily-pregnant brunette all but fell inside, her face thunderous. She scanned the room and scowled when her eyes fell on Thomas.</p><p>“Thomas Barrow, you are the most awful man I’ve ever met and you are in <em>so</em> much trouble!” She said.</p><p>Thomas grimaced at Jimmy then schooled his face into neutrality before turning and saying; “Sybil? What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Don’t you give me that!” She said, waddling over, “You stood me up! Me, a woman who is so pregnant she almost had to get her husband pull her out of the bath this morning like a cork in a damn bottle!” She huffed and awkwardly dropped into a chair. “I’ve been ringing you all morning in a panic, but you didn’t answer so I went to your house. You’re lucky I didn’t have this baby on your doorstep. And I thought, ‘where does Thomas go when he’s moping over Philip? Of course, he goes where the pastries are!’ And here you are.”</p><p>“Oh,” Thomas said, “I was, um, busy.” He glanced at Jimmy. “I’m sorry I forgot about our breakfast though, I am.”</p><p>Sybil seemed to notice Jimmy for the first time and said, perfectly calmly and with a charming smile; “Oh hello! How marvellous to meet you! I’m Sybil, and I’m <em>supposed</em> to be Thomas’s best friend,” and she held out her hand for him to shake.</p><p>“Jimmy,” Jimmy said, “nice to meet you.”</p><p>“And what were you doing that was so much more important than meeting me for breakfast?” Sybil said, turning her glare back on Thomas.</p><p>Thomas raised his eyebrows and inclined his head towards Jimmy.</p><p>“Oh, don’t be so vulgar,” she said, but her lips pulled up into a smile. “You didn’t tell me you’d met someone.”</p><p>“It’s quite a new thing,” Jimmy said, and squeezed Thomas’s hand on the tabletop.</p><p>Sybil eyed their joined hands and broke into a delighted grin. “Well, I suppose I can forgive you standing me up then!”</p><p>Thomas bought more coffee and cakes and they chatted for an hour or so, during which Sybil had Jimmy laughing at the scrapes Thomas had gotten himself into when he was just a junior employee at <em>Grantham’s</em>, which turned out to be Sybil’s father’s business. Eventually Sybil had to dash off to an antenatal appointment and they couldn’t really drag their lunch out any longer lest it segue directly into dinner.</p><p>They were walking back towards Thomas’s place when Jimmy stopped and grabbed his hand.</p><p>“Listen, Thomas,” he said, “I’m just goin’ to say it - you feel it too, right? This connection between us?”</p><p>Thomas nodded. “Yeah, I feel it.”</p><p>“It’s - it’s terrifying,” Jimmy admitted, “and I’m so not good at this stuff. But you’re - I don’t want to fuck this up.”</p><p>“Oh, if anyone fucks it up it’ll be me,” Thomas smirked.</p><p>“Then let’s agree to just not let each other fuck it up. If one of us starts pulling anythin’ the other has to call out their bullshit, alright?”</p><p>Thomas nodded, “I can do that.”</p><p>“And I know we already - did <em>that</em> last night but I don’t want it to just be about sex,” Jimmy looked at his shoes, suddenly nervous. “With me it’s always about how I look. That’s all anyone’s interested in. I want - I want <em>more</em>.”</p><p>Thomas stepped in close and tilted Jimmy’s face up to look at him. “It’s already more,” he said, “and we can do it properly if you like. I’ll court you.”</p><p>“You <em>are</em> old,” Jimmy grinned, “who calls it ‘courting’ anymore?”</p><p>“Well if you don’t want to be woo’ed...”</p><p>“No! I mean, I do!”</p><p>Thomas laughed, his eyes joyful. “Alright, I will.”</p><p>And, true to his word, he did. Thomas took Jimmy out on dates: for dinner; to the cinema; bowling. He cooked and they watched bad movies on Netflix. They went for a damn picnic. And Thomas was a perfect gentleman - they kissed and actually bleedin’ cuddled, and that was as far as it went.</p><p>Jimmy was stupidly happy and also <em>petrified</em>. Because every time he saw Thomas his heart tried to escape his chest and his cheeks burned red and his stomach flipped over like he was riding the world’s craziest rollercoaster. He thought after a while it would all calm down and he’d stop feeling like a giddy schoolgirl every time they touched. But, if anything, it only got worse the more he got to know Thomas.</p><p>One evening they were watching some rubbish reality TV show where minor celebrities learn to dance, and Thomas was smoking and adding a hilariously scathing commentary, when Jimmy said innocuously; “It’d be fun to be able to do the quickstep or somethin’ though. I can’t even waltz properly.</p><p>Wordlessly Thomas stubbed out his cig and got up, pulling Jimmy by the hand until they were mirroring the position of the dancers on the TV.</p><p>“Just follow my lead, alright?” Thomas said.</p><p>“Why do you get to lead?”</p><p>“Because I’m the one who knows how to dance, idiot,” he huffed.</p><p>Jimmy pouted but acquiesced, leaning into Thomas’s touch and letting the older man guide him in a slow and rather uncoordinated waltz around the room, as he stared at their feet and tried not to step on Thomas’s toes.</p><p>“I didn’t know you could do this,” Jimmy said, “is there anything you can’t do?” He glanced up to Thomas’s face and found he was regarding Jimmy with such open adoration it made him blush.</p><p>It hit him then, as he waltzed around Thomas’s lounge, that he was falling in <em>love</em>.</p><p>So of course, that was when everything went to shite.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jimmy jogged up Thomas’s front path and rang the bell, a plastic bag full of beer and chocolate dangling from his fingers. He checked his phone, ruffled his hair, checked his phone again and there was still no answer.</p><p>Mildly concerned, he gave the brass knocker a good rap against the door.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>The lounge curtains were drawn but he could see light peeking out between them, so he banged on the window and shouted “Thomas? You home?”</p><p>A few seconds later he heard the door unlatch and it was pulled open a scant inch. Thomas was just visible through the gap; his face was pale, his eyes red-rimmed like he’d been crying.</p><p>“Jimmy?” he said, “Now’s not - it’s not a good time, alright?”</p><p>“Oh,” Jimmy said, confused. Thomas had never turned down an opportunity to spend time together before. “We - we had plans, didn’t we?”</p><p>Thomas looked at him dumbly for a moment then said; “Did we? Sorry. I’ll have to reschedule.” And he shut the door in Jimmy’s face.</p><p>Jimmy stood outside staring in confusion at the black paintwork of the closed door for a full minute, before he turned around and trudged home, wondering what the hell he had done to ruin it when everything had been going so brilliantly.</p><p>As he lay in bed that evening he sent Thomas three texts, which all went unanswered.</p><p>The next day he called Thomas, but it went straight through to his voicemail. Jimmy left a message asking if Thomas was alright and to call him back, but he never received a reply.</p><p>He tried ringing the house phone but it just rang off every time.</p><p>The only conclusion Jimmy could reach was that Thomas had thrown him over. Jimmy didn’t think he’d done anything to warrant it, but he was particularly shite at relationships so it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that he’d phenomenally fucked up somehow.</p><p>It also crossed his mind that perhaps the whole ‘no sex’ thing had backfired and Thomas had decided to find a boyfriend who actually put out.</p><p>Maybe he’d even gone back to that slimy rat Philip.</p><p>Whatever the cause, Thomas had simply vanished from his life and Jimmy felt like the world had fallen out from under him. He had gone from being blissfully happy to absolutely miserable in the space of two days; he was in a state of emotional whiplash.</p><p>It was Daisy who found him on the sofa, sobbing bitterly and wishing he could pull an <em>’Eternal Sunshine’</em> and wipe Thomas’s entire existence from his memory. Whatever idiot said it was <em>better to have loved and lost than never loved at all</em> obviously hadn’t lost Thomas bloody Barrow.</p><p>“And you don’t know why?” Daisy coaxed, after Jimmy had stopped crying for long enough to explain how Thomas seemed to have neatly cut him out of his life.</p><p>Jimmy shook his head. “He’s just acting like I don’t exist. Daisy, what am I supposed to do now?”</p><p>She thought for a moment then said; “You deserve to know why at the least - go ‘round again an’ demand an explanation. You should be angry Jimmy, at the way he’s treatin’ you.”</p><p>Jimmy nodded and dried his eyes - she was right. He <em>did</em> deserve an explanation. Mainly he felt like someone had put his heart through a wood chipper, but now he thought about it he <em>was</em> a tiny bit angry.</p><p>“Alright,” he said, throwing on a denim jacket, “I’m goin’ now before I loose my nerve.”</p><p>“An’ Jimmy?” Daisy asked, “Do you love him?”</p><p>Jimmy paused - he couldn’t see any point in lying about it. “Yeah actually, I think I do.”</p><p>“Then don’t make the mistake I did and keep quiet about it,” she said sadly. Her one-sided pining over Alfred had been going on as long as Jimmy had known her, as had Alfred’s equally fruitless yearning for Ivy. “Tell him. Fight for him.”</p><p>Jimmy didn’t know how to do that, but he nodded and said; “I’ll try.”</p><p>Jimmy was about halfway to Thomas’s when the heavens opened - he hadn’t thought to bring an umbrella and his choice of jacket did absolutely nothing to protect him from the downpour. By the time he reached Thomas’s front door he couldn’t have been any wetter if he’d swam there.</p><p>The curtains were still drawn but there were lights on in the hall and upstairs in Thomas’s office - he was probably home. Jimmy took a deep breath - he felt like he was caught in that moment before you rip off a sticking plaster. Well, for better or worse the plaster had to come off, even if it hurt like a bitch in the process. Not knowing was worse - Jimmy couldn’t keep living like he was the cat in Schröedinger’s breakup.</p><p>He rang the bell, clunked the brass knocker, and hammered on the door for good measure. He heard footsteps on the stairs, then the door inched open to reveal Philip standing in the hallway.</p><p>“Oh,” Jimmy said. Up until that point he hadn’t realised how physical it was when people said they were heartbroken, but it actually felt like his chest had cracked open and someone was squeezing his internal organs in a vice. “I see. I get it now.”</p><p>And he turned and ran down the street and round the corner and he didn’t stop until he was lying face down on his bed, wet and shivering and crying and thoroughly ruined.</p><p>Jimmy was in such a state that for the next three days he had to call in sick to work.</p><p>“I should go ‘round and give him a piece of my mind!” Ivy said, patting Jimmy’s shoulder. “He’s been so horrible!”</p><p>Jimmy shook his head. “Don’t want to give him the satisfaction to be honest.”</p><p>There was a knock at the door and Ivy went to answer it. Jimmy wasn’t listening to the conversation; he was scrolling through his phone, looking at the photos he’d taken of Thomas and himself together; it made something in his stomach roll over to see them both laughing and eating lunch and <em>kissing</em>. It was like his future - the future that could’ve been - was caught forever in those images. He wanted to delete them, to purge any memory of how he’d actually fallen in love, for the first time in his life, only for it to end in absolute despair.</p><p>Perhaps he was destined to be Jimmy contra mundi after all.</p><p>“You!” He heard Ivy exclaim from the hallway, “You’ve got some nerve coming here.”</p><p>“I know,” came the reply and Jimmy’s head snapped up, his phone forgotten - he knew that voice. It was only bloody <em>Philip</em>.</p><p>“Aren’t you satisfied?” Ivy snapped, “Or have you come to gloat?” Jimmy was a little bit touched that she was so outraged on his behalf.</p><p>Jimmy jumped off the sofa and marched to the front door, his hands curled into fists, ready to punch Philip in his stupid, smarmy, Thomas-stealing face.</p><p>When he got there he found someone had already beaten him to it - he had a shiner, his right eye swollen half shut. Good.</p><p>“What do you want?” Jimmy hissed.</p><p>Philip held his hands up; “I’m just here to say he’s your boyfriend, he’s your damn responsibility now. I’m washing my hands of him.”</p><p>Jimmy’s confusion must have shown on his face because Philip said; “You don’t know what’s going on, do you?”</p><p>“Only that Thomas seems to have thrown me over for you,” Jimmy poked Philip in the chest as hard as he could.</p><p>“Hardly,” Philip said, “he’s been unwaveringly loyal to you, actually. It’s quite sweet to see him so besotted. How do you think I got this?” He pointed to his blacked eye.</p><p>“Can’t say I’m sorry about it,” Jimmy snarked.</p><p>Philip just rolled his one good eye. “Anyway, he’s in a right state over Sybil.”</p><p>“Sybil?”</p><p>Philip looked sort of sad, an expression he didn’t seem all that familiar with. “You haven’t heard then? Sybil died in childbirth.”</p><p>Oh. Oh <em>shite</em>. Any anger Jimmy felt towards Thomas dissipated in a second.</p><p>“As you can imagine, Thomas is dealing with it as well as he does anything. It’s all a bit too much effort for the chance of a casual shag, if I’m honest.”</p><p>Jimmy just gaped.</p><p>“So, I’m leaving now,” Philip said, “and this is my good deed for the year.” And he walked away and climbed in the Uber he’d left waiting at the curb.</p><p>“Blimey,” Ivy said, “what are you going to do Jimmy?”</p><p>Jimmy didn’t answer - he wordlessly stepped out into the cool evening air, and started walking towards Thomas’s house. After a few seconds he broke into a run and belted it there so quickly he had to stop, panting, with his hands on his knees, for a full minute before he could walk up the two steps and knock the door.</p><p>Of course, Thomas didn’t answer so Jimmy hammered incessantly on the black-glossed wood until his hand was aching. Eventually the door was thrown open and Thomas yelled “<strong>WHAT!?</strong>” before realising it was Jimmy.</p><p>Jimmy’s heart lurched - he looked terrible. Jimmy had never seen Thomas the slightest bit scruffy before - the most unkempt he ever got was a little stubble on his neck in the morning before he had chance to shave. But now there was almost a full beard on his chin and the circles around his eyes were so dark he looked like he’d been punched.</p><p>“Jimmy?” he said blankly. “What are you doing here. It’s not...”</p><p>“A good time, yeah, I guessed you’d say that,” Jimmy said and pushed his way into Thomas’s hall. He was surprised when Thomas didn’t resist but just closed the door behind them instead.</p><p>“I can’t - why are you here?” Thomas said. He was wearing the same pyjamas he’d been in when Jimmy had last seen him.</p><p>“Because you’ve disappeared from my life and then Philip was here and I wrongly thought you’d thrown me over for him.”</p><p>“I - oh,” Thomas blinked. “You’ve tried to get in touch?”</p><p>“Of course I bloody have!” Jimmy threw his hands up. “I’ve called and texted and you’ve ignored me.”</p><p>“I haven’t looked at my phone,” Thomas said absently, and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’ve been - it’s just - I.”</p><p>“Philip came to my house.”</p><p>Thomas looked like he’d been slapped “What did he tell you? Because Philip and I haven’t done anything, I swear. It’s not - that’s not why he was here.”</p><p>“I know. He told me about Sybil.”</p><p>Thomas’s face crumpled and he looked fit to fall down, so Jimmy stepped into his space and put his arms around him. Thomas leaned into his touch and rested his head in the crook of Jimmy’s neck.</p><p>“She called me and said she’d gone into labour and - and - it was all going well and she - she had the baby - it’s a <em>girl</em> Jimmy - but she’s - there was a complication and she’s - she’s gone, Jimmy. Sybil’s <em>dead</em>.” His voice broke and he started crying into Jimmy’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Thomas, I am.”</p><p>“I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I swear, I’ve just been - I don’t even know what day it is,” he said, tears running down his cheeks. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted out of it, now you know what I’m like.”</p><p>“Don’t be stupid. You’re goin’ through somethin’ awful,” Jimmy soothed, “I just wish you’d told me so I could’ve been here with you.”</p><p>Thomas looked at Jimmy, his eyes wet. “You would’ve stayed with me?”</p><p>“Of course I bloody would’ve,” Jimmy replied. “I love you. Where else would I be when you’re hurting so much?”</p><p>Thomas blinked. “You - did you say?”</p><p>“Shh,” Jimmy pulled Thomas back into his arms, “we can talk about that later. But yeah, I did.”</p><p>Thomas let Jimmy fuss over him - he made Thomas take a shower, dressed him in clean pyjamas and tucked him into bed before kicking off his jeans and shoes and climbing in beside him. Thomas immediately snuggled up to Jimmy, his arms around him, his head on Jimmy’s chest.</p><p>“How are you doing?” Jimmy asked. Obviously it was a stupid question but he didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t good at the whole <em>comforting</em> thing.</p><p>“In my life, I can tell you, not many have been kind to me. She was one of the few,” Thomas said quietly.</p><p>“She seemed so lovely,” Jimmy replied, “I wish I’d known her better. Her poor husband must be in bits.”</p><p>“Tom, yeah - he’s a wreck,” Thomas said, “and he’s been thrown into fatherhood alone.” He turned to look at Jimmy and fingered his jaw affectionately. “Philip was only here because he knew Sybil and when he heard he was worried - I mean he’s a bastard, but he’s not completely without feeling. Nothing happened between us though, I’d never do that to you.”</p><p>“I believe you - I saw his black eye. I daresay he deserved it.”</p><p>Thomas gave a wan smile. “He deserved it years ago if I’m honest. I can’t believe he actually went to your house and told you. Maybe I knocked some sense into him.”</p><p>“I’m glad he did. I might not have come around again if he hadn’t.” He ran a hand through Thomas’s hair and said; “Listen, don’t shut me out, yeah? I’m callin’ you on your bullshit, like we said we would.”</p><p>Thomas nodded. “Consider me called out. I tend to just fall in on myself when things go badly. You’ll probably have to remind me to talk about it.”</p><p>“I can do that,” Jimmy said and kissed the top of Thomas’s head.<br/>
“Get some rest. You look knackered.”</p><p>Thomas flicked out the light and they lay in a comfortable silence. Jimmy was on the verge of falling asleep when Thomas whispered; “Thank you Jimmy, for not letting me ruin this.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Jimmy smiled.</p><p>Jimmy called in sick again the next day and stayed at Thomas’s. Thomas had been off work for a week himself and the emails and queries had piled up to the point that he’d had to retreat to his office for an hour or two just to stop his phone blowing up constantly. Jimmy loitered in the office for a bit until Thomas huffed and lost patience at having to keep reaching over, under and around him to locate whichever piece of paperwork he needed next, and he ushered Jimmy out and told him to “Go and be irritating downstairs.”</p><p>Jimmy grumbled and passed the time by drinking about ten cups of coffee, smoking half a pack of Thomas’s cigarettes (so much for quitting) and lounging around on Thomas’s sofa watching junk daytime TV. He was halfway through <em>’Loose Women’</em> when the doorbell rang. Jimmy didn’t want to pull Thomas away from his work, so he answered it and found a handsome man waiting on the step with a tiny baby in his arms and an overflowing changing bag hanging from his shoulder.</p><p>“Uh, hullo?” Jimmy said.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” the man said in a thick Irish brogue, “I’m looking for Thomas Barrow?”</p><p>“Yeah, this is his house.”</p><p>“I’m Tom.”</p><p>“Oh!” Jimmy said, realisation dawning on him, “Oh, come in!”</p><p>He led Tom and the baby into Thomas’s lounge and settled them in the armchair before shouting up the stairs for Thomas to come down.</p><p>“I’m on the phone - I’ll be right there!” Thomas replied.</p><p>“Uh, can I get you anything?” Jimmy said awkwardly. Tom was gazing at the baby as if it were a miracle. Which, Jimmy supposed, it sort of was.</p><p>“No, thank you,” Tom said, then; “I don’t think we’ve met, have we?”</p><p>“No - I’m Jimmy,” Jimmy said.</p><p>“Ah, the famous boyfriend who’s stolen Thomas’s heart,” Tom smiled, “Sybil talked of you.” His smile faded at the mention of his late wife.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Jimmy grimaced, feeling about as useless as he ever had in his life, “she was so lovely.”</p><p>“You knew my Sybil?”</p><p>“We only met once but she treated me like an old friend,” Jimmy replied, thinking of the way she’d made him laugh with her stories about Thomas’s misspent youth.</p><p>“That was Sybil,” Tom blinked back tears and took to gazing at the baby again.</p><p>Thomas appeared in the doorway. “Tom - hi,” he said, his eyes on the baby.</p><p>“Ah, Thomas,” Tom got up and handed the baby to Jimmy before he had a chance to protest. She yawned and blinked awake, her tiny blue eyes peering up at Jimmy, and he couldn’t help but grin at her. She *was* a miracle. A terrifyingly breakable shitting machine of a miracle, but a miracle nonetheless.</p><p>Tom embraced an awkward-looking Thomas and said; “How are ya fairing?”</p><p>“I should be asking you that,” Thomas replied.</p><p>“We both loved her, in our own ways,” Tom said, “and I thought it was about time you met little Sybbie.”</p><p>Thomas blinked, “You’ve named her Sybil?”</p><p>“I want to think of her mother every time I look at her.”</p><p>Thomas nodded and scooped the baby out of Jimmy’s arms. He actually <em>cooed</em> at her, and said sweetly; “Hello Miss Sybbie, I’m your uncle Thomas.” He looked at Tom, tears in his eyes and said; “She’s the image of Sybil.”</p><p>Tom smiled approvingly. “I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye Thomas,” he said and Thomas huffed out a laugh, “but let’s - let’s agree to get along. For Sybil. I know she’d want you to be a part of Sybbie’s life.”</p><p>Thomas nodded - Jimmy could tell by the clench of his jaw that he was holding back tears.</p><p>“And I hope you’ll come to the service on Friday,” Tom added, “both of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Friday came around far too quickly for Jimmy’s liking. The day was suitably grey and wet for the occasion, the rain coming down in a persistent drizzle. Jimmy hadn’t been to a funeral since his mother’s, and as he dressed in a black suit and tie he couldn’t stop thinking about the white lilies he’d laid on her coffin before they lowered her into the ground.</p><p>Thomas had been quiet all morning - he was sitting on the edge of his bed, his tie hanging undone around his neck. Jimmy knelt down in front of him and kissed his forehead.</p><p>“I don’t think I can do this,” Thomas said.</p><p>“Your tie, the funeral, or just life in general?” Jimmy asked.</p><p>Thomas gave a sad chuckle; “Right now I feel like all three are impossibly hard.”</p><p>“Well,” Jimmy said, taking Thomas’s tie in his hands, “I can fix at least one of those problems.” He tied a neat double-Windsor and tidied Thomas’s collar for him. “And I’ll be with you the whole time.” He took Thomas’s hand and Thomas gave it a grateful squeeze.</p><p>They made their way through the rain to the quaint little church where Sybil was to be buried - the place was packed to the rafters, but that wasn’t surprising considering Sybil made a friend of everyone she met. Thomas hesitated at the door so Jimmy said; “Let’s have a quick smoke, yeah?” and they ducked around the side of the building and crowded into an old bricked-up doorway.</p><p>Jimmy lit a cig and they wordlessly passed it between them, Thomas’s hands trembling as he took it.</p><p>“Alright?” Jimmy asked.</p><p>Thomas nodded and took a very long drag on the cig.</p><p>“It’s ok not to be,” Jimmy added.</p><p>He shook his head; “It’s just - this is what happens to me. I get close to someone and then - they leave or they die.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Nothing, I’m being stupid.”</p><p>Jimmy took a hold of Thomas’s arm. “You’re many things Thomas, but stupid isn’t one of them. Tell me.”</p><p>Thomas looked out over the wet graveyard. “I had a friend - Edward. He was a colleague actually, but we became friends. He was just, I don’t know, <em>kind</em>. He was kind and clever and, for some reason I never fathomed, he wanted to be friends with me.” He took another shaky drag on his cig. “He was in an accident and he lost his sight. Went completely blind and - I tried to help him Jimmy, I really bloody tried and Sybil tried too but, well, it wasn’t enough.”</p><p>Jimmy was too afraid to ask what happened.</p><p>“He committed suicide,” Thomas said simply and let the cig fall into the puddle at his feet, “cut his wrists.”</p><p>Jimmy swallowed, not sure there was anything helpful he could say to that.</p><p>“So now that’s my both my best friends dead,” Thomas gave a humourless smile, “perhaps I’m cursed.”</p><p>“No,” Jimmy turned and put his arms around Thomas’s neck, “not cursed. Just unlucky. You know how life is just crap like that sometimes. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.”</p><p>“I’m afraid,” Thomas said, his grey eyes like broken glass, “that I’ll love you so much and then you’ll die. And I’ll be alone again and Jimmy - Jimmy I don’t think I could carry on.”</p><p>“Of course I’ll die,” Jimmy said, and Thomas’s face dropped, “everyone dies in the end. Hopefully it won’t be my time for a good while yet, but you don’t know. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow...”</p><p>“This isn’t helping,” Thomas frowned and Jimmy shushed him.</p><p>“No, listen. I could die. You could die. The bleedin’ moon could crash into the earth for all we know. But you can’t just avoid caring about anyone because somethin’ bad might happen. You’ll never live at all if you do that.”</p><p>Thomas leaned forwards and let his forehead rest against Jimmy’s. “You’re quite smart when you’re not being a total idiot.”</p><p>“Thanks, you too.”</p><p>“And...I do, y’know.”</p><p>Jimmy feigned ignorance. “You do what?”</p><p>Thomas rolled his eyes, “Love you, you dolt.”</p><p>Jimmy smirked and said; “And they say romance is dead.”</p><p>“Fine, I take it back, don’t love you anymore.”</p><p>“Liar.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>And Thomas kissed him to the sound of rain on gravestones and the church organ playing a gentle dirge.</p><p>After the service there was a small wake at Tom’s house for close friends and family. Jimmy stood awkwardly amongst people he didn’t know as they hugged Thomas or clapped him on the back and gave him the tight-lipped, apologetic smile that seemed to be reserved exclusively for funerals.</p><p>Jimmy remembered being the recipient of those smiles himself and how little it had done to assuage his grief, so he fetched Thomas a large whiskey and made sure touch Thomas’s elbow and straighten his tie and fix his hair and to perform an innumerable amount of other little displays of affection.</p><p>Thomas eventually whispered; “Thank you, for fussing. You don’t have to though.”</p><p>“I know I don’t have to,” Jimmy said, kissing Thomas’s cheek, “I want to.”</p><p>Thomas ducked his head. “I don’t deserve you, do I?”</p><p>“Oh, you absolutely do.”</p><p>And so they got through the afternoon and early evening. Thomas had a long and hushed conversation with Tom, during which Jimmy ended up holding little Sybbie again - he hoped that wasn’t going to become a habit - that ended with them embracing. When they broke apart both their eyes were wet and shortly after Thomas dragged Jimmy out the back door and they made their escape.</p><p>“Couldn’t stand anymore ‘I’m so sorry’s’,” Thomas said.</p><p>Jimmy wrapped his arm around Thomas’s waist as they walked, their steps falling into rhythm on the wet pavement. “I remember what it was like with me dad and me mum. Everyone’s so sorry but they never actually do anythin’ about it.”</p><p>“Not a lot anyone <em>can</em> do.”</p><p>“Not true,” Jimmy said and planted a kiss on Thomas’s cheek. “I can think of some things that might perk you up.”</p><p>Thomas raised his eyebrows. “What happened to the whole ‘taking it slow’ thing?”</p><p>“We have. We’ve taken it at a bloody snails pace,” he smirked, “now I want to, y’know...” he shrugged.</p><p>“If you can’t say it, I’m not doing it.”</p><p>Jimmy rolled his eyes theatrically. “Want you to top me again, alright?”</p><p>Thomas laughed at that; “Well, how can I refuse when you put it so eloquently.”</p><p>The atmosphere over supper was charged as they sat opposite each other at the dining table, Jimmy’s foot sliding up the inside of Thomas’s thigh until Thomas stood up, moved their empty plates off the table and said: “Here. Now.”</p><p>Jimmy practically jumped out of his chair and sat on the edge of the table - Thomas stood between his legs and kissed him slowly, his tongue teasing its way into Jimmy’s mouth, his hands on Jimmy’s thighs.</p><p>“Thomas—” Jimmy said, already breathless. He wrapped his thighs around Thomas’s waist and pulled him in, the need to be held close greater than he’d ever felt in his life. Thomas’s hands were on his neck, his back, sliding down the flat planes of his chest and stomach, then quickly popping open buttons and yanking Jimmy’s shirt down until his arms were pinned behind his back by it.</p><p>Thomas chuckled. “Oh dear, you appear to be at my mercy.”</p><p>“Always,” Jimmy breathed as Thomas unbuttoned his trousers. Thomas fixed him with a look somewhere between adoration and desire, then slid Jimmy’s trousers off and left them in a puddle on the floor. He knelt and mouthed at the front of Jimmy’s boxers, tempting his half-hard cock into fullness and wetting the fabric until Jimmy was squirming against him and trying to twist his arms out of his shirt. Thomas took pity on him and helped him escape the last pieces of his clothing, laying kisses on every bit of skin he could reach as he did so.</p><p>“Now you,” Jimmy said, removing Thomas’s tie. Thomas stepped out of his reach but complied, albeit slowly, revealing flashes of pale skin with a measured pace that almost drove Jimmy mad. He actually <em>gasped</em> when Thomas finally shoved his boxers down and stood, stark naked and erect, in the middle of his kitchen. Thomas grinned, catlike and very pleased with himself, then stepped in to kiss Jimmy again. Jimmy was overwhelmed by the warm slide of skin-on-skin as his chest pressed against Thomas’s, and he brought his thighs up around Thomas’s waist, crossing his legs behind the other man so he couldn’t back away.</p><p>“Jimmy,” Thomas said against his mouth, “Jimmy, move in with me.”</p><p>Jimmy blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that.</p><p>Thomas must have read more than surprise in his reaction; his shoulders dropped and he looked away. “You don’t have to. Sorry. It’s too soon and—”</p><p>“Yes,” Jimmy said. He didn’t even have to think about it. “It’s not too soon. I don’t want to be away from you again.” He’d almost lost Thomas once and it wasn’t an experience he was keen to repeat.</p><p>Thomas smiled broadly, all ridiculously perfect teeth and dimples, then kissed Jimmy again. “Bedroom. Now.” He lifted Jimmy up and carried him down the hall and up the stairs, panting a bit as he reached the top, before depositing him onto the bed. He crawled between Jimmy’s thighs, hefted one leg over his shoulder and licked slowly down from Jimmy’s balls, pushing his tongue between Jimmy’s cheeks until he found his opening. Jimmy squirmed with delight; it was something he loved but wouldn’t have dared to ask for.</p><p>“Thomas, <em>yes</em>,” Jimmy breathed, bracing himself against the headboard as Thomas licked into him. Thomas took Jimmy’s cock in hand and stroked it slowly as he sucked and lapped at Jimmy’s entrance. Jimmy whined; he wanted more. He wanted <em>Thomas</em>. All of him, buried deep inside. Apparently Thomas was a bloody mind-reader, as he chose that moment to push a spit-slicked finger into Jimmy. Jimmy squirmed against his hand until Thomas brushed his prostate and he gasped.</p><p>“Like that, do you?” Thomas said, voice rough. And he curled his finger against that spot over and over until Jimmy was a keening, trembling mess.</p><p>“Thomas, Thomas please,” Jimmy begged, “please.”</p><p>Thomas removed his finger and bent over, kissing any part of Jimmy he could reach until he was over-sensitive with it.</p><p>“Now I’m going to make love to you,” Thomas said and Jimmy’s heart did a funny little quickstep, his stomach swooping as if it was untethered and floating away from him. Thomas found the bottle of lube and slicked himself up; Jimmy bent his knees up so Thomas could ease into him slowly until he was fully seated inside Jimmy. The gentle burn was good, grounding him against the over-sensitivity of it all. They stared at each other for a moment, bodies still except for the heaving of chests and trembling of arms, until Thomas leaned down to capture Jimmy’s lips in a tender kiss.</p><p>There, on Thomas’s - no, <em>their</em> bed - looking up at him in the evening light, Jimmy was overcome with an almost terrifying wave of love and affection and desire, like he’d never known. It must’ve shown on his face because Thomas cupped his cheek and said, softly; “S’alright my darling boy, I’ve got you now.”</p><p>He wanted to cry and laugh and jump up and down and run a mile. But he settled for wrapping his thighs around Thomas’s waist and rocking his hips, fucking himself onto Thomas’s cock. Thomas’s face slackened into pleasure, one hand trailing down to work Jimmy’s leaking member. Jimmy tipped his head back into the pillows and gasped at the feeling of Thomas within him and around him and draped over him - he was drowning in Thomas and he never wanted it to end.</p><p>Except of course, it was so wonderful the end came rushing up to meet him like a runaway train, punching out an orgasm so powerful he felt <em>concussed</em> after; heady and dazed and almost unaware of Thomas’s own shaking release until the other man collapsed atop him, panting. Jimmy held him close, stroking lazy circles on his pale skin until both their breathing neared normal again.</p><p>“I love you,” Thomas whispered, his face still buried in the crook of Jimmy’s neck. “I’m afraid and overjoyed and feel like I’m going to be sick every time I see you—”</p><p>“Charming.”</p><p>Thomas huffed a laugh. “Because of nerves you plank, nothing bad.”</p><p>“Lovely pillow talk. You’ve such a way with words,” Jimmy snorted.</p><p>Thomas leaned up on his elbows and fixed Jimmy with such an adoring look he felt his cheeks turn a glowing pink.</p><p>“I’m stupidly in love with you,” Thomas said.</p><p>“You’re stupid alright.” Then, with a probably equally reverent look on his own face, he added; “And I love you too. Very much. So much it’s a bit daft really.”</p><p>A relieved grin split Thomas’s face, as if he still hadn’t been sure of it. In that moment Jimmy resolved to make Thomas more sure of his love every single day for the rest of their lives.</p><p>And he did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading this self-indulgent nonsense 😂 let me know if you’d be interested in a sequel</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>